Writing life

[stellahibernis]

I haven’t done regular writing updates in a long while, so here’s a bit more comprehensive one just because. Mostly about writing (it’s been an unusual half a year for me), and something about life in general and the half a year of relatively minor but continuous health challenges, which are a big reason why the writing has been what it has, albeit not all of it.
 

When it comes to writing, I’ve been much less productive than in previous years. Mostly due to lack of energy (due to the aforementioned health problems), but I’ve also had something of an inspiration problem. Good news for me is that the inspiration problem seems to be dealt with (although possibly less good for my regular readers, since it comes with branching to new fandoms even though I’m not dropping MCU), now I need to rebuild the writing habit that suffered during the spring. I’m on summer vacation now, and will hopefully get a good amount done.

(Rest behind a cut since I got characteristically wordy)

The first weeks of the year were pretty much business as usual, including that I finally wrote the Captain Marvel fic, A New Year, that I’d been mulling over for a while, but never got done until then.

At the beginning of the year my company moved to a new office, and after a while it became obvious there was something there that caused an allergic reaction in me. It wasn’t great, but we managed it best as we could (including working partly from home and at the office I sat at least part time in one of the smaller rooms, which worked better than the open space where our desks are). It was doable, but left me with considerably less energy than usual after the work days, which obviously affected my writing.

The first few months of this year my writing efforts were mostly spent on love’s not controlled by the weather, which was a funny process, because I like the story and was inspired to work on it, but it didn’t quite feel like that because of the general fatigue going on. The whole time there was this weird disconnect between what I thought of it and the general feeling about the process. I’m happy with the end result, and also that I managed to post it when it was still early spring (it being a winter romance, sure would have been ironic to post in June, for example :D).

Anyway, starting from March, I’ve obviously been living in the same limbo as everyone else. Since March 10th, I’ve been at the office exactly once, otherwise working remotely (for reference, I live in Finland where things never got completely out of hand). I’m one of the really lucky ones who can do so relatively easily and our company was very good about it. We had a policy that we can work remotely or come to office (and rules on how to be careful if you do), but since my getting there involves public transport and I have less than great lungs due to late diagnosed celiac disease that manifested mostly as respiratory problems (hence the difficulty in diagnosis, it’s gotten better since my diet was fixed), I’ve stayed at home as much as possible.

Turns out, I most likely had the virus in March (it was very, very mild so I never got tested or even saw a doctor for it). At the time it felt like a somewhat weird cold with fatigue and indigestion, but in retrospect it was probably Covid, the biggest giveaway being that once spring came and I got more active, I noticed my lung capacity is dismal these days. It’s in fact worse now than after the bronchitis I had in my early adulthood that lasted a whole winter, and I was nowhere near that sick this year. So that’s what I’m dealing with now, although I’m getting back to my regular energy levels, just need to take it easy when walking up the hill, for example.

Unsurprisingly the general fatigue affected my writing, and I went literally the whole of April without writing a single word. The bright side was that I managed to actually deal with it in a constructive way, and gave myself permission to not even try if I couldn’t which took away much of the mental load, and probably helped me get back to it in May.

The non-writing April was also a big reason why I decided not to take part in a big bang this year. I’ve had a good time (and been extremely happy with the results) over the last couple of years I’ve participated, but at the sign up time I had no idea what I should write or if I even could get back to writing any time soon, so I decided it was better not to force it.

In May I started to feel much more inspired again (also healthier, it’s amazing what a little additional energy does for your creative drive), and at first it manifested in the form of a bunch of new ideas. My idea list is even more terrifyingly long than usual at this point, although I know realistically not all of them will get written, not even all of those for which I have more than a vague idea. I think I have about 30k of one story written that won’t be finished. Some of the themes have and will be translated into other stories (including a current WIP which definitely will get finished), and the rest of it was good practice, so no regrets even though it’ll stay in the unfinished limbo.

Before the writing break I started a Stucky fic, and it was the one I came back to in May when I started writing again, albeit slowly, in fits and starts. Over the last handful of years I’ve developed a pretty good writing habit, but apparently a month long complete break during an otherwise challenging year does a lot of damage to it, and I’m still getting back to it. Slowly but surely, and I’ve adjusted some of my process starting early this year, because focusing for longer periods doesn’t work as well as it used to. Nowadays I write more in short bursts here and there rather than all at once, but the daily word counts are getting to the similar level, which I’m very happy with.

The aforementioned Stucky fic (which still has no title, the constant struggle to come up with those!) is about two thirds done, and it’s mentally in the category “would like to post it in July” even though it has had a couple of big breaks, first the non-writing break and then my very sudden detour to other fandoms. Steve and Bucky are currently hanging at the beach with some unresolved issues, so I should get back to it :D

Generally this year I’ve had several instances where I might have branched toward other fandoms than MCU, which is quite a big indicator that the focus of my interest is definitely on the move (the laser focus of over five years is pretty unusual, tbh). I still have a lot of ideas for it and will keep writing them, but I’ll also write other stuff.

First potential branching out, one that didn’t produce anything concrete and probably won’t in anywhere near future (for the pretty obvious “creator being a despicable human being” related reasons) was to finally write the post canon HP fic I’ve been toying with every now and then ever since Deathly Hallows was released. I considered starting it early this year, but never got there (although I have a rough idea what the story would be like, if I were to write it), and now I’m again soured even at the thought of it.

Second branch, again nothing concrete has materialized yet, mostly because it came to me during April, is a Kingdom Hearts fic set post game three. I used my low energy time in getting to know what happened in KH3 and I have mixed feelings but also there was a hook that would turn into a pretty interesting story. This is in my idea pile, in the very back burner currently, but a lot more likely to get written at some point (probably not in 2020, though).

Third branch, I’ve been meaning to write a fic in the Wicked + the Divine canon, and actually started one in winter, but then I got sick. It should be a short one, so I’ll get to finishing it one of these days (tentatively places it also in the “would like to post it in July” category, but it’s the last one in that pile).

Fourth branch, which actually produced a finished story, and not only that, it was the easiest, most joyful writing process of the year (so far! Hopefully more to come), was that I got reminded of Susan Cooper’s Dark Is Rising books, read all of them over a couple of weeks, and got hit by a major case of feels. Hence Light from the Lost happened.

And the fifth branch started from where I finally watched the Untamed, promptly fell deep in that hole and now the muse is terrifyingly bountiful and demands I write all the things (I have no less than eight fic ideas already!) The one currently at works is just condensed pain when it comes to rewatching scenes for research :D

Also I have a terrible tv show hangover from it, which is very inconvenient since I want to watch the last season of Dark but just can’t invest myself into it right now.

So that’s what’s been going on for me, the current plan in life is to enjoy the vacation, get less stressed, and hopefully healthier. Writing plan for immediate future is:

• Finish, edit, and post the Untamed fic on top of that queue, and hope that the muse allows me to work on other stuff after that
• Finish, edit, and post the Stucky WIP, preferably in July
• Decide what to write for the traditional end of year fic (look at me planning ahead!)

This has been over 1700 words of writing about writing fic, so maybe I should get to that now. On the other hand, writing this definitely helps me in building the regular writing habit, so we’ll count it as a win.